Cast of Dancing with the 4.99 DVD Stars Announced!

So it looks like most of the rumors were true about this year's cast. Here's the full roster of mirrorball trophy enthusiasts who will attempt to dance their way out of obscurity and D-listdom:

• Buzz Aldrin: He was the second person to set foot on the moon, and now, at 80, he's the oldest man to ever compete on DWTS. Quick somebody call Life Alert.

• Pam Anderson: Dancing in slow motion and Baywatch theme ready for action.

• Erin Andrews: Had to Google this bitch, apparently she is an ESPN reporter and has had nude pics leaked by a stalker. I'm gay so you can think of the reasons I have never heard of her.

• Shannen Doherty: Brenda Walsh. Prue Halliwell. 'Nuff said. This bitch is in it to win it I'm sure, I could totally see her kicking some Gosselin ass.

• Kate Gosselin: Infamous fame whore/mother of 8 chia pets. Be on watch for Jon Gosselin to claw his way on to the DWTS stage if this bitch lasts longer than a week.

• Evan Lysacek: The hot, Olympic gold medal-winning figure skater is passing on the 2010 World Championship for a shot at the disco ball trophy. Insert gay figure skating joke about balls here.

• Niecy Nash: Loved her on Reno 911, better hold on to that weave girl.

• Chad Ochocinco: Mmm this yummy chocolate man is a football player for the Cincinatti Bengals and a six-time Pro Bowler. Is 'Ochocinco' really his last name tho? 8 5? Oh I get it, its his dick size 8" by 5".

• Jake Pavelka: ABC's current favorite pet. The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, and now this. At least he is kinda cute with his shirt off.

• Nicole Scherzinger: I don't know what this doll is doing here, she's basically a professional dancer already. Maybe she needs to feel good about herself because her solo career was a flop and the rest of the Pussycat Dolls hate her.

• Aiden Turner: Playing the "hot Soap Opera star" card, will he do Gilles Marini and Cristián de la Fuente proud? If his abs are just as chiseled I think he will do alright.

Well that's all folks! Do you like this year's contestants? I'll be watching for my favorite bitch Brenda, gotta watch out for sabotage from Alyssa Milano though, security better be on their toes.